Ep 138 | Why Am I Bad With Money? 4 Mindset Shifts to Help You Move Forward

Why am I bad with money? If you’ve ever asked yourself that question or told yourself “I’m just bad with money”, this episode is for you. 

The truth: it’s not a lack of tools or knowledge that keeps you stuck. More often, it’s shame. And that shame keeps you frozen, second-guessing every decision and avoiding the very habits that could help you grow.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

✅ How to recognize financial shame or guilt and the difference

✅ Why saying “I’m bad with money” keeps you stuck and how to shift that belief

✅ Why compassion is more powerful than discipline when it comes to budgeting

✅ Four ways to release shame and make progress with your money

Send me an email with your questions, thoughts, and takeaways from the podcast to: elevatefinancesllc@gmail.com

Book A Free Clarity Connection Call to learn more about working with me

Join the Make Retirement Possible Challenge

Grab the free Retirement Ready Checklist to begin your retirement planning journey

Transcript

 Welcome to the episode. If you listened to the intro, we're diving into financial shame and guilt. We're gonna be talking a little bit about the two, what the difference is. But I'm sure every listener here, myself included, has at some point experienced shame or guilt around money. And if we get caught up in it.

It's going to keep us stuck. It's going to keep us stuck. But it's important to know that you're not alone. Even successful people, even if they're not gonna be honest and tell you, I'm sure they have experienced this at some point, it's just the way we are. It's human nature. But the important thing is not getting stuck in this cycle.

And we'll talk about that. But if you have ever thought, oh, I should know better, or I'm so bin, you are not broken. You are just human and you're capable of change. Today we're not diving into strategy or spreadsheets or tools or anything like that. We're going to be unpacking emotional blocks, these types of thoughts, ideas, they will keep us.

Holding back from taking action with our money. And once you learn to release the shame and the guilt, you will be able to make progress, because you unlock something so much more powerful and that is you believing in yourself. Before we get into all of that, I wanna talk about financial shame versus financial guilt.

Shame is when you say, I am bad, right? I am the bad person. And you reflect it all on you. And guilt is, I did something bad. See how there's not that personalization? If you are experiencing shame and you're like, well, I don't know the difference, okay, shame might be you're avoiding the budget.

You're not opening your bills or your email, whether it's in the mail or your email, or you're just saying, I am bad with money. You're doing that personalization with the I and honestly, overall, you're going to be procrastinating with your finances. And it's a hard place to get out of because shame keeps whispering to you and it's gonna whisper that it's too late, that you've messed up too much, and that you're behind everyone else.

This isn't true, and I'm gonna share with you why that is shame. Why is shame holding you back? Shame creates paralysis. If you've ever heard the term, you know, analysis paralysis, it's a very similar, but you are not taking action. And when you don't take action, you add more shame and you have no action, and then you become stuck in this cycle, the longer you stay stuck.

In this shame cycle, the more di disconnected you become from your financial goals, your confidence to be able to handle them really well, and even your ability to take small steps. Now you have been the one holding it together for everyone in your family, we run a household. We've done really well.

Well in our career, helped our kids maneuver through their life. And now when it comes to your own future, you hesitate because the shame, which is whispering, tells you you're already behind. And you're thinking, if I'm already behind, what does it matter? What does it matter? But I am going to talk louder than your shame whisper.

And I am telling you your goals are still valid. Your financial goals are still worthy of you pursuing, and it's not too late. And if you think about it, you've already done hard things. This to try and solve is no different. And anyone including you can learn to be quote, good with money, whatever that means.

Whatever that good means, you can learn it and you can do it. I've got four steps. Four ideas to help you shift and start believing in yourselves. These are not tactical money steps. These are not giving you tools or strategies, like I said. This is really gonna have a lot to do with thinking. If you're driving great, you're in a perfect situation,

but step one, I want you to get curious and not critical. When something happens, instead of asking, why can't I do this? You need to ask, why does this feel so hard right now? Instead of focusing it on you, why can't I do this? You're going into the motions of why are the motions hard? Why can't you know, why can't this work?

Or why does it feel we're gonna go with more? With a feel hard? Right now? This cuts out that self-judgment, so I just wanna share every May. I experience grief, but I, if I'm not actively thinking about it, you know this, I don't know why that's a month. It shows up for me. Grief is different for everyone, but if I'm not actively thinking about it, all of a sudden I'm like, oh my gosh, why can't I do this?

Why do I feel this way? Oh. Why I feel this way, because I am experiencing grief. I have to do life differently during the month of May than I do all of the other months. And this is how you can start working with your money is as you're feeling. Something's not quite right. Why? Why does that feel hard?

And explore that. Explore that, and then you learn how to do it in a different way. Action two. Remember what you've already done, we have lived. 40 plus years. If you're listening to my podcast and there is a lot that you have done a lot, there are some big commitments, I'm sure you've either been in charge of or you've participated in and you didn't know how to do it before you went into it.

I want you to think about parenting, caregiving, career change, health goals, whatever it may be. Did you follow through on a big commitment in a prior different, you know, area of life? Think about that. What have you done? Why did you do it? Why were you successful? But you're also gonna wanna reflect on the times that you made, you know, financial decisions that you were proud of,

that you should be proud of, and continuing to remember them.

Whenever I work with individuals, I always believe that I don't have to scratch everything. It's not about starting over. It's about finding what has worked and create that to fit and work better. As you think about your financial decisions and add your other big commitments. Why did they work? How were they working?

And it, it's not about, you know, thinking of a different way. It's just remembering what works for you. This is why I believe that so heavily that, you know, at the age of 40 plus, it's not about scrapping everything we've attempted and tried and done. Like somewhere something worked. Or it worked to a certain point, and once you figure that out and you can apply it here, you're gonna find success.

Action number three. I need you to separate identity from behavior. Behavior with money. It is not from your identity. It is not who you are or what you deserve or what you should be valued. Behavior results from many, many different areas, and your past choices are not your future results. So learning to think about who you are, I deserve this.

I've just gotta change the way I'm doing it. Shows compassion in keeping you who you are. We don't change you. There's an exercise I do when working with clients and I have them think of individuals. Whether that's somebody close to them or just somebody they admire, you know, out there who they think does really well with money.

And then make a list of traits like what is it about that person? Why are they successful with money? Sometimes clients will idolize other family members, and think about that. Maybe we're lucky enough to have parents who were good with money. Just think about that why, and just write a list of why you think they are successful with money five to 10.

And then as you look at that list, I want you to star the ones that you are doing 80 to 90% of the time. Again, we're going back to what you've already done. Oh yeah, I do this. Oh yeah, I do that. And so you're highlighting those and acknowledging those. Then with what's left on your list that you haven't starred, I want you to choose one or two because we don't have to fix everything at once.

Want you to choose one that you want to be better at, that you want to envelop as a new trait for yourself. This will help you find that confidence, being able to build different behaviors. Our final action, you might have to borrow belief from someone else. I have to do this on occasion, especially being an entrepreneur and my career path did not introduce me to anything about marketing, sales, or.

Really, honestly, anything I'm doing here, I am a really good typist and I've done a whole lot of other things too. I'm good with numbers. I'm good with numbers. That's why I'm a financial coach. But I do have to get in this moments where it's tough and I go to my husband. If you have somebody close to you and I'm like, Ugh, this is hard.

I can't do this, and he reminds me of everything I have done, at the end of my journey. None of those things were hard. At the beginning of my journey, I didn't know how to write a search warrant. I didn't know how to do an arrest warrant. I didn't know how to do, you know, budgets. I didn't know how to go and talk to commissioners about, we really need this money.

There's a lot of things. Going to somebody and help them help remind you of what you've done, or find somebody who can believe in you until you fully believe in yourself. I will believe in you. That's why coaching exists. As you've listened to all of these four actions and you're looking for some accountability, 'cause that's truly what a coach is all about.

If you're interested without pressure, send me a message and let me know what small step you will be taking to help you get stuck. Send me an email to hello at Elevate Finances us and just say, I am going to be working on this, and in seven days I'm going to follow up. Again, no pressure, no sales, no nothing more, I promise.

Because sometimes we just need someone to know we are working on something. I know when I tell somebody, oh, I'm working on this, and then, you know, a little bit down the road, they're like, so how did that go? And I'm like, oh, crap, I didn't do it right. If we know somebody is. It helps us really take the actions.

It's really helps us make it important and remember to do it. If you're interested, send me that message on the small step you will be taking from this episode. I give you lots of ideas. Send a message to hello at Elevate finances us. I will acknowledge that I've got it, and then in seven days I'll follow up and ask you what progress you have seen.

To wrap up the episode, I just wanna remind you, you are not behind. You are capable of change, and you are better with money than you think you are. And what it all boils down to is that you are worthy of a retirement that you're excited about. And if you've been here long enough, you've heard me say, I believe retirement is possible for everyone.

And I love to help individuals make retirement possible. That is what I'm all about, so if this episode hit home and you're shaking your head, you're realizing you're that person and shame is probably holding you back, your next step doesn't have to be overwhelming you're already in that, that position.

I invite you to book a free 20 minute connection call. This is a safe space to talk through where you're feeling stuck and to find out if coaching is that right next step for you. Again, no pressure, just support, clarity, and a chance to move forward with someone in your corner. When you're ready, book that call at Elevate Finances us slash connection, and we'll take the first step together.

If there was a lot thrown at you, go back and listen to this episode again. Decide on one action, one action for yourself to be able to start getting unstuck. This is something that's going to take time as a lot of times our money stories, our money beliefs can be deep. So take the time, be compassionate with yourself and, but have that, kick in the butt to make that change. Just one little action. Thank you for listening to this episode